I have once again fallen into the trap of writing all the time, but not posting anything on here. A few months ago, I would’ve beaten myself up about this, reminding myself that I had a plan and a schedule. After all, plans and schedules are made for a reason, are they not? Fortunately, I’ve come to embrace the spontaneity of life, or rather I’m in the middle of learning how to do that.
I’m in the middle of relearning to write for myself, to put my joy and my struggles onto paper (or in this case, I guess, the internet), and to let them sit there for a while. How to watch my thoughts oxidize in front of me instead of letting them sit in my brain. It’s a whole process, one that is messy and sometimes painful, but is also beautiful and strengthening.
This summer, I was a lot busier than usual. Three summer courses and an internship led me to treasure and cherish the moments I was able to spend with family and friends, and even more so the moments I was able to spend with myself. That is not to say that those moments were perfect. The summer was not without its tensions and I definitely had to learn methods of separating myself from the more unpleasant things going on in my life and in the world. In particular, using my writing as a practice of preserving my own peace. A pretty big shift from the more academically-focused writing that I’ve been pursuing in my studies, but one that was ultimately necessary and so very healing.
On to some reflections…
Productivity, Rest, & a bit of Vulnerability : The world seems to have this sense of urgency, with everyone rushing to move on to the next step. We strive to be the most productive, be the most successful, to constantly be achieving things. I’ve fallen victim to this mentality over and over again and it is a draining way to live. So how on earth do we break this cycle of overworking ourselves until we are too tired to actually enjoy life?
Perhaps, we start by learning to rest. By training ourselves to crave the quiet moments where we have no obligations and the freedom to just sit with our thoughts. And for many of us, that’s an insanely difficult thing to do (which it only proves my point that we’re pushing ourselves to be productive because we’re too afraid to confront our thoughts). Isn’t that why we immerse ourselves in media and surround ourselves with people?
All the while, we try our hardest not to get close enough to others because that is the one thing we are avoiding. The very thing that connects us all and makes us human: our vulnerability. Scary stuff. To let our guard down and be truly open. Nobody enjoys the process, but I know from experience the relief that comes after finally baring your soul to someone or something. Baby steps are key here, as is patience and kindness with yourself.
Thus concludes my little rant!
Finally, if you haven’t noticed, I’ve made some changes to this site. Over the past two years, notallinmyhead has been a lovely project to work on and I’m so grateful for the support and love I’ve received from everyone as I figure out my calling as a writer. That being said, I have been wanting to take things in a slightly different direction and I’m super excited to share this with you all! Starting now, “notallinmyhead” will be shifting to “taste of mindfulness”. This site will be a platform for me to combine my passions for writing, cooking, and of course, mental health. I’m so looking forward to embarking on this new journey with everyone and giving you a little taste of mindfulness!
All the love,