When the idea of starting a blog popped into my head one day, I didn’t take it too seriously. I figured it was just another project idea. I’d spend a few days contemplating actually starting one… and then I’d forget about it.
“It’s too much work.”
“I don’t have enough time.”
“I have no experience.”
“Who’s going to even bother reading it?”
I’m not gonna lie, I spent a really long time coming up with reasons to justify why I shouldn’t give it a shot. But then I started thinking of all of the times I gave up on something because I didn’t think I could do it. Granted, some of the ideas I’ve had weren’t the most realistic (imagine a ten-year-old owning a cupcake shop) but I’d like to think that me having a blog isn’t the most absurd idea in the world. To be fair, I’d also like to think people are actually going to read this but I guess we’ll see how far I get with both of those things.
So here it is. I’m starting a blog.
If you’ve gotten this far, you’re probably wondering who I am, which is a completely valid question. And I wish I had a concrete answer for you but I don’t. In all honesty, I’m still trying to figure that out myself. Sounds a little crazy but it’s true.
My name is Camryn. I go to a regular high school, I hang out with my friends at the mall, I drink iced coffee at least twice a week. I like reading, painting, teaching myself piano, and baking (still). I have two sisters; we steal each other’s clothes, argue about stupid things, and have the ability to communicate solely through facial expressions. On the surface, I’m just a regular teenage girl. I live a pretty normal life.
And I would probably agree with you but I purposely left out one minor detail that most people don’t know about me. So let me rewrite that sentence for you…
I live a pretty normal life minus the fact that I live with anxiety and depression.
Which leads me to the whole reason I decided to start this blog in the first place.
To put it plainly, living with mental illness is just not fun. Life as a teenager is hard enough as it is, so when you decide to throw in panic attacks and depressive episodes, it tends to make the whole thing about a million times more difficult. I can’t count the times I spent locked in my bathroom, frantically searching Google for a sign that I wasn’t alone in what I was feeling. From those desperate Google searches, I learned that I didn’t just want a list of my symptoms from a medical website (which is what I usually found), I wanted to hear from a real person who was going through the same thing. Needless to say, I didn’t have much luck in my search.
It took a while before I realized that maybe the reason I couldn’t find someone to relate to was because, like me, they were too scared to put themselves out there in the first place. Which makes sense. In all honesty, this is pretty terrifying for me and I can guarantee that immediately after I post this, I’m going to spend approximately two weeks regretting it and overthinking it. But I’m hoping that somewhere in the world there’s a teenager locked in their bathroom, frantically searching Google for a sign that they aren’t alone, and that they find this.
I’m not a professional, I don’t have a degree or any official title that says you should listen to me. But what I do have is experience. As much as I hate it, my anxiety is my reality and I’m finally ready to start my journey towards self-love, mental illness and all.
I’m learning. I’m growing. And I’m living.